I popped out of bed this morning, fed the baby and loaded her up for a morning walk. It was a beautiful 70 degrees, the birds were chirping, I had a coffee with me, and I was going to carpe the heck out of that diem. “So this is it,” I thought. That moment, regardless of how small it was, completely solidified my decision I had made the day before.
After four years at my current job, I had finally made the leap to take a new opportunity. It was something I had been rolling around in my head since the days of my maternity leave were dwindling. I knew going back to work full time was going to be difficult. It is for every mom, regardless of her profession. I knew it would be extra hard for me as an event coordinator since I often worked nights and weekends. It was so much easier when I wasn’t a mom. The six-day-a-week work weeks weren’t as bad because my husband was working Saturdays too. And staying late or popping in early required very little prep or planning. Now, that simply wasn’t the case.
But I LOVED what I did, and I still do. I love the event industry. I love celebrating milestones with clients, and I love the event community here in Columbia. It truly isn’t about competition but a community of wonderful individuals, entrepreneurs and celebrators.
This simple “aha moment” I had on my morning walk was the result of an event that had to rescheduled due to unfortunate circumstances. But I almost feel like that free morning that I didn’t have originally was also God’s way of telling me I made the right decision. There were so many reasons why I almost didn’t take the job. I thought about what everyone else would think. I thought about my clients I was supposed to still work with this year. I thought about all my co-workers and amazing vendors and people who I wouldn’t see on a day-t0-day basis anymore.
But it wasn’t until after all of those thoughts entered my mind did I think about myself–my needs and wants. It was continually getting harder and harder to leave my daughter with Gigi and Papa or a baby-sitter after I had already dropped her off at daycare five days that week. I felt like I wasn’t giving my marriage its full attention when my husband and I were like passing ships on Saturdays. And that was only when we could make our schedules work so that he worked the morning and I worked the evening. It made me so sad to miss out on family events or leave early from personal celebrations to coordinate celebrations of others.
As much as I adored what I did and loved the work I was doing, it wasn’t as fulfilling as it used to be. My heart was constantly telling me to do something about it when my mouth was telling people I was fine. It was this decision I made when I finally allowed myself to admit that I had needed a change now for a while.
I finally admitted that I was in a new season of life and a new job is exactly what I needed to balance my changing world. Will I miss events? Absolutely. Will I come back to doing them full-time? Who knows. All I know is that on that beautiful Saturday morning, I had a pep in my step I had been missing for a while. I felt I had finally found the balance of motherhood and work, times of busy successes and enjoyable stillness. I had found something else that was fueling my professional fire. For the first time in a long time, I felt completely happy.